January 14, 2017
Hi. I made two turning points today – both of which I realized after I fell into my new routines. The first was at lunch. I wasn’t even looking for the t.v. I went straight for the table – well, back to my computer for a working lunch, but quickly decided against it.
I had pulled a random magazine I have in this last pile in my house beside me that I prayed for the grace to endeavor. Funny, the rest of my house got sorted and piles removed and discarded, but this one remains. It’s okay. Everything else is orderly. I randomly selected a magazine – a NG from November. I went to the table and read about Octopuses – weren’t they octopi in the 80s? Like them so much. Curious little creatures. When I read about how the females die after their eggs hatch, I almost cried. It was so peculiarly sad for these little helpless, orphaned octopi. Likely don’t think twice about it – or maybe they do. Maybe that is why they are so neuronally rich – having to fend for their selves and figure all their living out as they go. I likely will write a little story about them at some point on the reef, but it will not have anything to do with their orphaned states. They are so interesting, I am inspired.
So, the second turning point I made was this evening. I went to go to my counsin and my birthday celebrations and turned around and didn’t go. I was filling ill so I decided I’d get a movie and watch it on my computer while lying in bed. A cheat? It’s not the television, right? I came home and what I found coming out of my mouth instead of opting for my 1st cheat, if it really is, was “I want to curl up and read!” That was big. I was excited, actually. Interested, because that’s never happened I want to say, but I am reading more and more as a result of no t.v. and I really like it. I’m learning so much too that I can apply to my school.
I’m attributing these two changes to time and conditioning – how we get over things and move on – develop new interests, loves, habits, etc., and that is okay. I am changing. I’m getting a lot done too. Goals are great. Love the accomplishments.
Liking my changes!!
January 11, 2017
Hi. I’m 16 days in. Tonight came a turning point. Another one. I guess it’s time to move on my life to a greater degree. I guess I am committed to this not watching t.v. thing, but I literally feel like that poor soul who has no grace for something and is cold-knuckling it. So, maybe I am not committed. I don’t feel like it, and I also know that giving in and watching t.v. will get me nowhere. So, tonight found me in a new place for dinner – on my bed starring out my window eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich not wanting to do anything but watch t.v. and feeling what a drag I am.
I felt like I should pray afterward to make the most of my time. I couldn’t muster anything worthwhile so I prayed in tongues b/c I didn’t know what to say and just wanted to watch t.v.
I eventually grabbed my Seize the Day book and thought I’d at least read about seizing the day, if I was going to fail at it. I read no pages but did open it and put it by me. I eventually mustered up some gumption and got up to be productive on something. I can check email or come up with a new video for class tomorrow or something, but get up and stop daydreaming and feeling sorry for yourself because you are not watching t.v. The good thing was that I realized the gym will be helpful despite my recent realization that I hate the gym. That may just be an excuse fronting as lazy or bored or uninspired.
I did eventually check email and do some research on nuts and why they are so expensive and what are the best types for you in terms of good fat and mineral content. I also found out a Brazil Nut tree, an excellent source of selenium, is a tree that can live up to 500 – 1000 years, and produces a fruit almost the size of a coconut and can contain 8 – 24 “seeds,” and is forbidden from being chopped down in Brazil. A fun bunch of facts about Brazil nuts!!
I later realized as I washed the dishes that I have gotten to a certain point with my goals of which I have made such great progress that I am at a stopping point I felt. It’s more like I realized that I have to persist in this, in my efforts. There is so much more to be done for all my interests. I just have to persist, one topic and goal at a time, little by little. I'll get there! I'm getting there!!
Get a list. Get a little done every day. Exercise. I just got out of the routine I guess being back at school. There is a whole different momentum now, but making a goals list, however small, is a starting point to accomplish all that I must, and all I wish.
Have also updated one of my audio stories – 1 Gerry. Found myself crying during several parts. Funny that I would feel such things all these years later. So, I have posted that, been inspired by the progress, and have made one goal for tomorrow about moving more on my site.
I am moving on.
Have a good day.
Day 6 - ...But God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
1 Corinthians 10:14 - I continually am "craving" television. I am I am tempted most when tired. I just want to stop and relax and not even read. Nothing, Today I have been tired a lot. I think it may be in part from constantly moving and doing something, and not really taking any breaks, and not eating as much either so I don't have much energy. Being off sugar too is just making me respect my body more in general, and overall, eat less. It's the postive coupling thing - less sugar, more awareness. Just want to treat my body better.
I'd thought to go for a run today, but was so tired I didn't think I'd make it. After visiting with the neighbors for a long time, I came back to tackle more of the cleaning and organizing my "library" I'd started earlier. I couldn't face any more of that at the moment. I decided to clean and organize my fridge and tidy up my kitchen instead. For some reason, after that, I got a running boost of energy. I headed to the beach.
I was a little sluggish once I got there. I said a little prayer and got out of my car. It was windy. Oh boy. I haven't run my run in awhile. I made it though despite running against the wind (only one way). I was eager actually. It was good I didn't have much in my belly - that makes an already difficult run even tougher - the soft sand, against the wind. Not easy, but it was good. I felt positive afterwards. It's been awhile since I've done that. I have not been able to do it recently.
I have likened, in my mind, running on the soft sand of the beach, as either being what teaching has been to me at times, or what I suspect being a single mother may be like for some. It's so hard that you can barely breathe and can think of nothing else except putting one food in front of the other and just doing what you can to try and make it to the next step.
As I almost got to the life guard stand, the hardest part of the run was over, and I was doing well. I got to turn around and go with the wind, and I got my motor running too at that point so that was good. I was grateful for making it! I thanked God that I appreciate running. I thought of the bible verse - "Run the race that you may win.” That got me going. Then I slowed my mind to think what exactly the verse says only to come to realize that realize I was mixing up two verses. Anyway, what I came to was I was running the race toward the “high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”
I realized in that moment the call of God is high. I realize a high standard of living also comes at a price. Sacrifice occurs. Discipline is necessary to see things through. I am grateful that I have this sacrifice occurring in my life. I am grateful that I have forced this discipline on me. If anyone asked me what I needed to work on personally, it would be discipline, and I have it now. I have realized that too. I love running – I can come to a lot of realizations.
When I was coming home I was tired. I pulled in to get gas and thought of how I’d like to rest and watch t.v. awhile. I was bothered again that here is that craving, again. But, then, when I get home, I get a shower, made some dinner, and was happily listening to some jazz music just enjoying my life. Grace rested on me. A new moment. A reviving of my spirit - no need to collapse on the couch in front of the television. I was revived. I went to the couch with my dinner, but just ate a little and looked at some gardens from a book on my table and socked away some herbal ideas.
I thought to read tonight and have some tea. I have my tea and got a book. It’s not the bible or a religious or spiritual book or a text book. It just a leisurely reading book. I’m goona give it a try, again. Toujours Provence. I have tried to read this book several times in my life. I’ve only ever read and completed a few leisurely books in my life. It's time to read another, and finish it.
Good night. Work tomorrow. Rest.
Hi. So it seems this punishing myself for watching too much television has really paid off. I'm getting so much done.
I have realized a couple of things about myself - I have been a bit of a punisher and I am not a fan of her! As I ran on the beach yesterday I realized this is ridiculous to continue this 100 days of abstinence from the t.v. b/c I am not doing it for right reasons. However, I am continuing anyway, at least for now because I am getting so much accomplished. I am interested just to see what happens. I like accomplishing things, and things that I have been wanting to get done for ages are getting done!! For that reason alone, it's worthy of continuing.
I was having a desire today after working for awhile to watch t.v. and curl up on the couch with some chocolate. I realized that my indulgences are coupled. This is the second time I've seen this recently. It's not just that I'm going to watch t.v., I want to do something else to indulge my mouth and senses while indulging my indolence. I want to be comfortable and relax and feed my face and smile. It's like the movies - I don't go just to watch a movie, it's the whole experience - I want a popcorn and a coke and likely peanut M&Ms as my candy. I spend almost $40 every time I go a cinema. It's ridiculous.
Similary, and interestingly, today I have also realized that depriving myself of the t.v. and the sugar has lessened the amount of food I consume at all. I haven't even had dinner today. I always eat at least three meals a day. I'm just eating if I am hungry, not because it's time. I do pamper myself with food. It is my indulgence for sure, but that has really tapered a lot since this whole things has started. I love it.
I like how this feels overall. Both of the abstinences are paying off. I'm changing and I feel it is for the better. Yeah!!
One of the things I accomplished tonight was to see if my camera records. Not a big accomplishment, but I checked it off my long list of things to do. It was an easy mark. But, I have learned how to upload and manage recorded videos on You Tube as a result which is cool. Awesome, a great learning tool to for the classroom too. Yah, again for me!!
So, I am making strides toward success.
Today marks the fifth days of my abstinence from t.v. and from sugar. I did have a whole oreo in my mouth last night, but it came out promptly after it arrived - it was only stopping in due to a game of Oreo. I had to get it from my forehead to my mouth without touching or dropping it from my face. I was so proud - I did it within only two tries, and after I got up and withdrew it promptly from my mouth with a quick explanation, "I'm off sugar,"I disposed of it. I was minutes before I realized I had cookie crumbs over my face. :( I hope they weren't visual.
So, the sugar has been a cinch. I actually felt protected from myself last night at this party - there were so many desserts. I didn't feel longing at all. Funnily, I was able to sniff out the brownies - my favorite, and they looked perfectly done! I was cool though. I had a good dinner, good conversation, had fun playing some games - charades, my favorite, and learned a new party trick:)
Happy to report I'm still off t.v. Almost pulled a cheat tonight. I had a desire to paint my nails and watch the end of the year news and celebrations. I was excited at the thought. I pretty much decided this would be a good cheat, I'd enjoy my Saturday night that way, and that would be that. I did a lot of work today on personal stuff, worked out, and was happy with that decision. I liked the idea of a cheat - my friend Alsy gave me the idea - a good option to safeguard against just giving up. I decided to just throw up a quick prayer about the idea before deciding to turn on the "failure." That's in a way how I viewd it. I was cheating, and it wasn't fully committing to the end of abstinence, but probably would have been like one cigarette - yeah, that didn't EVER work - that's just the lie to get you to open the pack only to get you started again.
I got my nail polish - settled on pink. Decided to just come in my room and do my nails on my bed, instead of in front of the tele. I got two strokes in and the color was flat and boring. Forget that! I changed it out for red instead which is what I originally wanted anyway, and went in the living room, and the thought of turning on the t.v. was too much. I'll just try it without the t.v. a minute. James Blunt was playing in the background and I can chill with him. I got a stroke in, and the color was fabulous! Hansen nail products rock. I decided to read afterwards and just try that out while my nails dried. I loved it. It was so relaxing. I felt so peaceful with that decision. I didn't decide, "This is good," but it was just really relaxing.
That is the second time the good feelings of having the t.v. off came to me. Yesterday was the first. I was getting ready to eat lunch again, and the thought of classical music and a magaizine did not bore me - I was eager. It was good.
So, five days in and I feel positive about my decisions. I realized how pleased I was that the decision to keep the t.v. off was great. I was really grateful I gave something else a chance. It was a feeling I've not had, except maybe once before, and I liked it. I could get used to that! It's much more peaceful, and stimulating in a different way. I like reading and relaxing!!
I began first thinking of my time with television this early evening as my canoeing trip with friends was coming to an end. I was envisioning parking myself in front of the television with my food, enjoying the tiredness with which I felt, and being able to perfectly relax on the couch as I ate a cheeseburger and some frechfries with mayonaisse - YUM!!, and enjoying just being relaxed and being entertained. No school to go to tomorrow. No worries. No cares. Just me and my television and me feeding my fabulous little face.
Before I could even indulge my imagination entirely, I realized there will be no t.v. time for me. There will be no sitting on the couch enjoying a t.v. show while I indulge my appetites. There will be no more indulgences for me! There is no more couch time for me! I hate this - restriction is what I am on. I do not like it. I worked today for five hours being productive. I was tired from caneoing. I wanted to hang out with myself and just relax. I am almost in tears as I write this. Just watch some t.v. if you're going to cry about it! Diggity - Dang! I would sell my t.v. if it was mine was a thought. Not really. I was however, reminded of why addicts need get rid of all thier temptations.
I love my couch time, I realized, desparately while I made my boring turkey sandwich, and delicious walnut and goats cheese salad, a meal I settled on because I was too tired to wait the 1/2 hour it was going to take for me to get a good burger somewhere. I am on vacation, and I wanted to watch television with my turkey sandwich and salad, darn-it!! I felt so sad, really. I was crazy. Maybe I was sad because I felt like just turn it on, but felt trapped, being punished for publically committing. It was stupid.
I really felt sad while I made dinner, like I was ticked I opened myself up to commiting to something publically, and I felt ridiculously deprived. I could hear the t.v. and feel my excitement of having it on, and being excited by it, but that was only also in my imagination. I literally thought I may be negatively impacting my brain by depriving it of it's dopamine. That's when I realized I will not be doing this anymore I do not think. This is too much.
I had no idea I enjoyed t.v. that much. I will say though, there are some Sunday afternoons where I felt like I did today, excited to have a meal and relax and watch television, and enjoy some simplicity, quiet, feeling accomplished and like I'd earned it in some way. I guess that is rewarding somehow, and when you can truly relax and enjoy yourself because of your accomplishments, that's the feeling. The t.v was a confirmatory celebration of my good day. The meal I had with my Audobon magazine, though I am a fan, did not give me the same thrill or satisfaction. There were no chemicals released for that! Anyway. I am restricted! I don't like it. I am likely going to fall off the wagon soon, and just wanted to post it.
Rationalization and Machinations:
I know it's only two days, but I'm already making so much progress with my life's goals in just these two short days that I can progress continually but with a modified t.v. watching program. I think maybe two hours or so a day. That seems like a lot, but that's one movie. I like movies. My concern is that if/when I do cave is that I will not have any discipline with this and will likely binge watch t.v. more or let it distract me from my goals. That is one of the reasons I am likely so all-or-nothing. I find I am much more successful if I can completely eliminate something - again, I don't have to deal with the mental machinations of doing it or not. Just eliminate it all together, and get on with your life. I feel like I lose out though with such extremes. I seem to have a hard time with grey. This may be my opportunity to develop discipline is a less fascist way. That would be lovely. One solution.
Pray what you know is true: I am a believer and have been given a spirit of power, of love and a sound mind, according to 2 Timothy 1:7. Solution Two: Just practice it, girl. You've got the power!! Speak the word over yourself. Use Solution 2 to develop more discipline. Yes! You can do it, my dove.
I think I have just talked myself into t.v. For now, I am going to bed. 2 days has been sufficient to give me a good start on making more progress towards some personal goals. Also, I think the most important thing for me is the austere nature that I have has come to light to show me the severity of my actions when I do something "wrong." I need to get over that maybe more than I need to get off t.v. for 100 days. So I binged watched t.v. for two days. Get over it. Get on with your life. You enjoy t.v. sometimes. Enjoy it. I don't have kids for a reason! As with everything else, moderation, my dear. Apply discipline where needed.
So, Day one begins the end. The end is good. It has found me productive which was the main reason for my abstaining from t.v. I found a day wasted, actually two, in this week I've had off for the holidays. I have so much to do, and wasting time in front of the television is not conducive to my success. A one-day t.v. binge I get, but two was just not necessary.
I do not feel any healhier. However, I am also not teetering on nausea because of the amount of sugar I have consumed, nor am I stuffed to the point of needing to take a walk just to metabolize my food faster. So I am healthier today, yes. Good for me! I have not missed the sugar, at all! Yah! I also went to the store and stocked up on good food for me. It's my norm, really. I just overidid it on the sweets these past weeks. I could really use a break. I love to be healthy, and I realized today too in the store how great it is to have boundaries. No is "no consideration," and that is freeing. I'd forgotten what boudaries feel like. I like them. As I was getting my frozen berries for my drinks, I didn't need look twice or think considerably about the delectible little pies next to berries. No mental anguish is relaxing. The mental machinations of battling between yes and no is exhausing. So I was free of that which was great.
The t.v. however was a different story. As I got home with the groceries, I wanted very much to watch t.v. I had five minutes till The Five was on. I justified in my mind yesterday that maybe I could/should at least watch the news, but left that out of the possibility, not that I couldn't change it today, but...I just made dinner and grabbed a magazine, enriched my mind, and learned a little bit about the disappearance of the Saltan Sea in California. I still wanted to watch t.v. after dinner. "Let me check my Facebook," I thought, to see whether I had any responses. Maybe that would encourage me to stay off the t.v. I felt a little obligated because I announced what I was doing. "Darn it," I thought. "I wish I wouldn't have wrote all that!" Sure enough, there were some responses, and encouragement. First, Eddie: "Have fun." Ha! Okay. Another: "You can do anything you set your mind to." Yes, true. I had thought to write that! :) and a third: "Ditch it all!" referring to all the rubbish on t.v., also referencing all of the news commentaters, specifically too which was a relief I needed t read! So, I felt relieved and took it to heart and pressed on with my night, learing more about how to publish a website.
So, the end of day one has me a little healthier, more educated and productive than yesterday. That is good.
I have accomplished:
Tidying up a Children's book I wrote, and composing a letter to a perspective illustrator
Learning about bird bots and the disappearing Salton Sea
Studying Chapter 1 in the book of Philippians
Figuring out parts of my website and how to manage it
I have about an hour left before I will get tired. I will press on to greater productivity.
Have a great night.
100 days of abstinence - join me.
My indulgences as of late have led me to the decision that I will refrain from watching television and eating sugar for 100 days. I may include other things along the way as positive change begets the same, so I will likely add other healthy behaviors as I go, but I will start there. I am firmly committed to those.
If you would like to join me for either, or something completely different, I would love to have you join me in this process. I could use the company. Or, if you are willing to only commit to a week or so, that's great. Just let me know from what you will be abstaining.
I will be starting tomorrow, December 27, 2016, and day 100 will be on April 5, 2017.
I hope you will join me. A lot can happen in 100 days! I am excited to see what changes it brings as I change.
I committed to a 40 day change one year for Lent where I gave up alcohol, drugs and cigarettes for those 40 days, and I maintain that healthy lifestyle today after almost 20 years of bondage! Praises. It takes a commitment, but here is what I know, perseverance and commitment will see you through the tough days, and Lord knows, I need Him too. If He gives me grace something, it's a piece of cake because all desires are taken off, but if not, the commitment is really tested for sure. I had a two week desire to use after I first quit everything, naturally, but it eventually lifted and I have been free ever since. Thank you, Father!!
So, hopefully you will join me in some manner for healthy living.