Today marks the fifth days of my abstinence from t.v. and from sugar. I did have a whole oreo in my mouth last night, but it came out promptly after it arrived - it was only stopping in due to a game of Oreo. I had to get it from my forehead to my mouth without touching or dropping it from my face. I was so proud - I did it within only two tries, and after I got up and withdrew it promptly from my mouth with a quick explanation, "I'm off sugar,"I disposed of it. I was minutes before I realized I had cookie crumbs over my face. :( I hope they weren't visual.
So, the sugar has been a cinch. I actually felt protected from myself last night at this party - there were so many desserts. I didn't feel longing at all. Funnily, I was able to sniff out the brownies - my favorite, and they looked perfectly done! I was cool though. I had a good dinner, good conversation, had fun playing some games - charades, my favorite, and learned a new party trick:)
Happy to report I'm still off t.v. Almost pulled a cheat tonight. I had a desire to paint my nails and watch the end of the year news and celebrations. I was excited at the thought. I pretty much decided this would be a good cheat, I'd enjoy my Saturday night that way, and that would be that. I did a lot of work today on personal stuff, worked out, and was happy with that decision. I liked the idea of a cheat - my friend Alsy gave me the idea - a good option to safeguard against just giving up. I decided to just throw up a quick prayer about the idea before deciding to turn on the "failure." That's in a way how I viewd it. I was cheating, and it wasn't fully committing to the end of abstinence, but probably would have been like one cigarette - yeah, that didn't EVER work - that's just the lie to get you to open the pack only to get you started again.
I got my nail polish - settled on pink. Decided to just come in my room and do my nails on my bed, instead of in front of the tele. I got two strokes in and the color was flat and boring. Forget that! I changed it out for red instead which is what I originally wanted anyway, and went in the living room, and the thought of turning on the t.v. was too much. I'll just try it without the t.v. a minute. James Blunt was playing in the background and I can chill with him. I got a stroke in, and the color was fabulous! Hansen nail products rock. I decided to read afterwards and just try that out while my nails dried. I loved it. It was so relaxing. I felt so peaceful with that decision. I didn't decide, "This is good," but it was just really relaxing.
That is the second time the good feelings of having the t.v. off came to me. Yesterday was the first. I was getting ready to eat lunch again, and the thought of classical music and a magaizine did not bore me - I was eager. It was good.
So, five days in and I feel positive about my decisions. I realized how pleased I was that the decision to keep the t.v. off was great. I was really grateful I gave something else a chance. It was a feeling I've not had, except maybe once before, and I liked it. I could get used to that! It's much more peaceful, and stimulating in a different way. I like reading and relaxing!!
I began first thinking of my time with television this early evening as my canoeing trip with friends was coming to an end. I was envisioning parking myself in front of the television with my food, enjoying the tiredness with which I felt, and being able to perfectly relax on the couch as I ate a cheeseburger and some frechfries with mayonaisse - YUM!!, and enjoying just being relaxed and being entertained. No school to go to tomorrow. No worries. No cares. Just me and my television and me feeding my fabulous little face.
Before I could even indulge my imagination entirely, I realized there will be no t.v. time for me. There will be no sitting on the couch enjoying a t.v. show while I indulge my appetites. There will be no more indulgences for me! There is no more couch time for me! I hate this - restriction is what I am on. I do not like it. I worked today for five hours being productive. I was tired from caneoing. I wanted to hang out with myself and just relax. I am almost in tears as I write this. Just watch some t.v. if you're going to cry about it! Diggity - Dang! I would sell my t.v. if it was mine was a thought. Not really. I was however, reminded of why addicts need get rid of all thier temptations.
I love my couch time, I realized, desparately while I made my boring turkey sandwich, and delicious walnut and goats cheese salad, a meal I settled on because I was too tired to wait the 1/2 hour it was going to take for me to get a good burger somewhere. I am on vacation, and I wanted to watch television with my turkey sandwich and salad, darn-it!! I felt so sad, really. I was crazy. Maybe I was sad because I felt like just turn it on, but felt trapped, being punished for publically committing. It was stupid.
I really felt sad while I made dinner, like I was ticked I opened myself up to commiting to something publically, and I felt ridiculously deprived. I could hear the t.v. and feel my excitement of having it on, and being excited by it, but that was only also in my imagination. I literally thought I may be negatively impacting my brain by depriving it of it's dopamine. That's when I realized I will not be doing this anymore I do not think. This is too much.
I had no idea I enjoyed t.v. that much. I will say though, there are some Sunday afternoons where I felt like I did today, excited to have a meal and relax and watch television, and enjoy some simplicity, quiet, feeling accomplished and like I'd earned it in some way. I guess that is rewarding somehow, and when you can truly relax and enjoy yourself because of your accomplishments, that's the feeling. The t.v was a confirmatory celebration of my good day. The meal I had with my Audobon magazine, though I am a fan, did not give me the same thrill or satisfaction. There were no chemicals released for that! Anyway. I am restricted! I don't like it. I am likely going to fall off the wagon soon, and just wanted to post it.
Rationalization and Machinations:
I know it's only two days, but I'm already making so much progress with my life's goals in just these two short days that I can progress continually but with a modified t.v. watching program. I think maybe two hours or so a day. That seems like a lot, but that's one movie. I like movies. My concern is that if/when I do cave is that I will not have any discipline with this and will likely binge watch t.v. more or let it distract me from my goals. That is one of the reasons I am likely so all-or-nothing. I find I am much more successful if I can completely eliminate something - again, I don't have to deal with the mental machinations of doing it or not. Just eliminate it all together, and get on with your life. I feel like I lose out though with such extremes. I seem to have a hard time with grey. This may be my opportunity to develop discipline is a less fascist way. That would be lovely. One solution.
Pray what you know is true: I am a believer and have been given a spirit of power, of love and a sound mind, according to 2 Timothy 1:7. Solution Two: Just practice it, girl. You've got the power!! Speak the word over yourself. Use Solution 2 to develop more discipline. Yes! You can do it, my dove.
I think I have just talked myself into t.v. For now, I am going to bed. 2 days has been sufficient to give me a good start on making more progress towards some personal goals. Also, I think the most important thing for me is the austere nature that I have has come to light to show me the severity of my actions when I do something "wrong." I need to get over that maybe more than I need to get off t.v. for 100 days. So I binged watched t.v. for two days. Get over it. Get on with your life. You enjoy t.v. sometimes. Enjoy it. I don't have kids for a reason! As with everything else, moderation, my dear. Apply discipline where needed.
So, Day one begins the end. The end is good. It has found me productive which was the main reason for my abstaining from t.v. I found a day wasted, actually two, in this week I've had off for the holidays. I have so much to do, and wasting time in front of the television is not conducive to my success. A one-day t.v. binge I get, but two was just not necessary.
I do not feel any healhier. However, I am also not teetering on nausea because of the amount of sugar I have consumed, nor am I stuffed to the point of needing to take a walk just to metabolize my food faster. So I am healthier today, yes. Good for me! I have not missed the sugar, at all! Yah! I also went to the store and stocked up on good food for me. It's my norm, really. I just overidid it on the sweets these past weeks. I could really use a break. I love to be healthy, and I realized today too in the store how great it is to have boundaries. No is "no consideration," and that is freeing. I'd forgotten what boudaries feel like. I like them. As I was getting my frozen berries for my drinks, I didn't need look twice or think considerably about the delectible little pies next to berries. No mental anguish is relaxing. The mental machinations of battling between yes and no is exhausing. So I was free of that which was great.
The t.v. however was a different story. As I got home with the groceries, I wanted very much to watch t.v. I had five minutes till The Five was on. I justified in my mind yesterday that maybe I could/should at least watch the news, but left that out of the possibility, not that I couldn't change it today, but...I just made dinner and grabbed a magazine, enriched my mind, and learned a little bit about the disappearance of the Saltan Sea in California. I still wanted to watch t.v. after dinner. "Let me check my Facebook," I thought, to see whether I had any responses. Maybe that would encourage me to stay off the t.v. I felt a little obligated because I announced what I was doing. "Darn it," I thought. "I wish I wouldn't have wrote all that!" Sure enough, there were some responses, and encouragement. First, Eddie: "Have fun." Ha! Okay. Another: "You can do anything you set your mind to." Yes, true. I had thought to write that! :) and a third: "Ditch it all!" referring to all the rubbish on t.v., also referencing all of the news commentaters, specifically too which was a relief I needed t read! So, I felt relieved and took it to heart and pressed on with my night, learing more about how to publish a website.
So, the end of day one has me a little healthier, more educated and productive than yesterday. That is good.
I have accomplished:
Tidying up a Children's book I wrote, and composing a letter to a perspective illustrator
Learning about bird bots and the disappearing Salton Sea
Studying Chapter 1 in the book of Philippians
Figuring out parts of my website and how to manage it
I have about an hour left before I will get tired. I will press on to greater productivity.
Have a great night.
100 days of abstinence - join me.
My indulgences as of late have led me to the decision that I will refrain from watching television and eating sugar for 100 days. I may include other things along the way as positive change begets the same, so I will likely add other healthy behaviors as I go, but I will start there. I am firmly committed to those.
If you would like to join me for either, or something completely different, I would love to have you join me in this process. I could use the company. Or, if you are willing to only commit to a week or so, that's great. Just let me know from what you will be abstaining.
I will be starting tomorrow, December 27, 2016, and day 100 will be on April 5, 2017.
I hope you will join me. A lot can happen in 100 days! I am excited to see what changes it brings as I change.
I committed to a 40 day change one year for Lent where I gave up alcohol, drugs and cigarettes for those 40 days, and I maintain that healthy lifestyle today after almost 20 years of bondage! Praises. It takes a commitment, but here is what I know, perseverance and commitment will see you through the tough days, and Lord knows, I need Him too. If He gives me grace something, it's a piece of cake because all desires are taken off, but if not, the commitment is really tested for sure. I had a two week desire to use after I first quit everything, naturally, but it eventually lifted and I have been free ever since. Thank you, Father!!
So, hopefully you will join me in some manner for healthy living.