Hi. So, I cheated. I felt worthy was the presidential inauguration. I really wanted to see the speech discussions on the news, and, I forgot about the parade and all the pomp and circumstance which I missed just as I turned on the television of which I was reluctant to do. However, within moments I found myself forgetting about any reluctance and doing a happy dance in the kitchen as I cooked my dinner so excitedly that I got to watch television, and more importantly, share in this bit of history, and enjoy the festivities of our new president. It was exciting for me all the way around!
I realized I hadn’t cooked for myself like that in a long time, maybe since I started this abstinence from television and sugar. It was my first attempt at shrimp scampi – that’s what I’m calling it – shrimp sautéed with garlic, a ton of butter, parmaean, 1/2 and1/2, red onions, white cooking wine, salt and served over angel hair pasta with a delicious salad of mixed greens, carrots, kale and my own special dressing of garlic, mayonnaise, balsamic vinegar and honey – yum. It was very delicious it all was. I was so pleased! It was a good night. “I could use a cheesecake,” I thought later, smiling – I may as well. No cheese cake for me.
After dinner, I made myself a nice tea and enjoyed the class acts on saw during the balls. What fun the Rockettes were and the Lord of the Dancers – oh my gosh! I thought they could take on ISIS and win! They were intense. I thought for a moment maybe they were robots – I couldn’t quite make out their feet; they were fantastic. So disciplined. I loved it. Yes, I agree, the best dancers. What I liked most about them and the Rockettes was their precision! They were all excellent!! What fun with the big band sounds were too. It was a good night.
So, that was it. Me eating a delicious meal while I enjoyed the inaugural celebrations of Trump and Melania, my first cheat. I liked that cheat. It was worth it. I watched until Melania and Trump had their first dance and then I went to bed.
This morning, I watched the video of the speech. The parade now streams in the background along with some of my music. It’s a good morning, already. Glorious.
January 15, 2017
Today was good. I woke up claiming a good day. Early on, I felt happy to be me. Excited that I get to do my life. It's a good day. I feel and directly attribute this moving forward to the freedom I've given myself from the bondage of television.
I think the new me is setting in. I came home late tonight from a day out and I had bought some enchiladas from a local joint. I had the movie I’d got yesterday I was going to watch. I wasn’t feeling it. Took it back unwatched. I don’t feel like cheating. It would be a waste of time I feel at this point. I just came home and ate on my couch with nothing but music, enjoying the food I purchased. That was new. Decided to just eat because that’s really all I wanted to do anyway – enchiladas a guac! Yum.
I have made it 20 days without t.v. I like the shift I feel internally.
I have admittedly had two cheats with my sugar – the first was ½ a cheesecake on my birthday, and the other was during a “birthday celebration” with a friend. I actually decided not to have anything despite the enticements and letting myself b/c it was my birthday, as I wasn’t hungry, but as it turned out the waitress brought us a free dessert on which she wrote “Have a great night.” It was delicious – some type of fried doughnut with chocolate sauce and peanuts, Thai style. It turned out to be really good and delightful for such a yummy surprise!
It takes 21 days to break an addiction, some say. I am right on track. Feeling good. I am tether-free.
January 14, 2017
Hi. I made two turning points today – both of which I realized after I fell into my new routines. The first was at lunch. I wasn’t even looking for the t.v. I went straight for the table – well, back to my computer for a working lunch, but quickly decided against it.
I had pulled a random magazine I have in this last pile in my house beside me that I prayed for the grace to endeavor. Funny, the rest of my house got sorted and piles removed and discarded, but this one remains. It’s okay. Everything else is orderly. I randomly selected a magazine – a NG from November. I went to the table and read about Octopuses – weren’t they octopi in the 80s? Like them so much. Curious little creatures. When I read about how the females die after their eggs hatch, I almost cried. It was so peculiarly sad for these little helpless, orphaned octopi. Likely don’t think twice about it – or maybe they do. Maybe that is why they are so neuronally rich – having to fend for their selves and figure all their living out as they go. I likely will write a little story about them at some point on the reef, but it will not have anything to do with their orphaned states. They are so interesting, I am inspired.
So, the second turning point I made was this evening. I went to go to my counsin and my birthday celebrations and turned around and didn’t go. I was filling ill so I decided I’d get a movie and watch it on my computer while lying in bed. A cheat? It’s not the television, right? I came home and what I found coming out of my mouth instead of opting for my 1st cheat, if it really is, was “I want to curl up and read!” That was big. I was excited, actually. Interested, because that’s never happened I want to say, but I am reading more and more as a result of no t.v. and I really like it. I’m learning so much too that I can apply to my school.
I’m attributing these two changes to time and conditioning – how we get over things and move on – develop new interests, loves, habits, etc., and that is okay. I am changing. I’m getting a lot done too. Goals are great. Love the accomplishments.
Liking my changes!!
January 11, 2017
Hi. I’m 16 days in. Tonight came a turning point. Another one. I guess it’s time to move on my life to a greater degree. I guess I am committed to this not watching t.v. thing, but I literally feel like that poor soul who has no grace for something and is cold-knuckling it. So, maybe I am not committed. I don’t feel like it, and I also know that giving in and watching t.v. will get me nowhere. So, tonight found me in a new place for dinner – on my bed starring out my window eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich not wanting to do anything but watch t.v. and feeling what a drag I am.
I felt like I should pray afterward to make the most of my time. I couldn’t muster anything worthwhile so I prayed in tongues b/c I didn’t know what to say and just wanted to watch t.v.
I eventually grabbed my Seize the Day book and thought I’d at least read about seizing the day, if I was going to fail at it. I read no pages but did open it and put it by me. I eventually mustered up some gumption and got up to be productive on something. I can check email or come up with a new video for class tomorrow or something, but get up and stop daydreaming and feeling sorry for yourself because you are not watching t.v. The good thing was that I realized the gym will be helpful despite my recent realization that I hate the gym. That may just be an excuse fronting as lazy or bored or uninspired.
I did eventually check email and do some research on nuts and why they are so expensive and what are the best types for you in terms of good fat and mineral content. I also found out a Brazil Nut tree, an excellent source of selenium, is a tree that can live up to 500 – 1000 years, and produces a fruit almost the size of a coconut and can contain 8 – 24 “seeds,” and is forbidden from being chopped down in Brazil. A fun bunch of facts about Brazil nuts!!
I later realized as I washed the dishes that I have gotten to a certain point with my goals of which I have made such great progress that I am at a stopping point I felt. It’s more like I realized that I have to persist in this, in my efforts. There is so much more to be done for all my interests. I just have to persist, one topic and goal at a time, little by little. I'll get there! I'm getting there!!
Get a list. Get a little done every day. Exercise. I just got out of the routine I guess being back at school. There is a whole different momentum now, but making a goals list, however small, is a starting point to accomplish all that I must, and all I wish.
Have also updated one of my audio stories – 1 Gerry. Found myself crying during several parts. Funny that I would feel such things all these years later. So, I have posted that, been inspired by the progress, and have made one goal for tomorrow about moving more on my site.
I am moving on.
Have a good day.
Day 6 - ...But God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
1 Corinthians 10:14 - I continually am "craving" television. I am I am tempted most when tired. I just want to stop and relax and not even read. Nothing, Today I have been tired a lot. I think it may be in part from constantly moving and doing something, and not really taking any breaks, and not eating as much either so I don't have much energy. Being off sugar too is just making me respect my body more in general, and overall, eat less. It's the postive coupling thing - less sugar, more awareness. Just want to treat my body better.
I'd thought to go for a run today, but was so tired I didn't think I'd make it. After visiting with the neighbors for a long time, I came back to tackle more of the cleaning and organizing my "library" I'd started earlier. I couldn't face any more of that at the moment. I decided to clean and organize my fridge and tidy up my kitchen instead. For some reason, after that, I got a running boost of energy. I headed to the beach.
I was a little sluggish once I got there. I said a little prayer and got out of my car. It was windy. Oh boy. I haven't run my run in awhile. I made it though despite running against the wind (only one way). I was eager actually. It was good I didn't have much in my belly - that makes an already difficult run even tougher - the soft sand, against the wind. Not easy, but it was good. I felt positive afterwards. It's been awhile since I've done that. I have not been able to do it recently.
I have likened, in my mind, running on the soft sand of the beach, as either being what teaching has been to me at times, or what I suspect being a single mother may be like for some. It's so hard that you can barely breathe and can think of nothing else except putting one food in front of the other and just doing what you can to try and make it to the next step.
As I almost got to the life guard stand, the hardest part of the run was over, and I was doing well. I got to turn around and go with the wind, and I got my motor running too at that point so that was good. I was grateful for making it! I thanked God that I appreciate running. I thought of the bible verse - "Run the race that you may win.” That got me going. Then I slowed my mind to think what exactly the verse says only to come to realize that realize I was mixing up two verses. Anyway, what I came to was I was running the race toward the “high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”
I realized in that moment the call of God is high. I realize a high standard of living also comes at a price. Sacrifice occurs. Discipline is necessary to see things through. I am grateful that I have this sacrifice occurring in my life. I am grateful that I have forced this discipline on me. If anyone asked me what I needed to work on personally, it would be discipline, and I have it now. I have realized that too. I love running – I can come to a lot of realizations.
When I was coming home I was tired. I pulled in to get gas and thought of how I’d like to rest and watch t.v. awhile. I was bothered again that here is that craving, again. But, then, when I get home, I get a shower, made some dinner, and was happily listening to some jazz music just enjoying my life. Grace rested on me. A new moment. A reviving of my spirit - no need to collapse on the couch in front of the television. I was revived. I went to the couch with my dinner, but just ate a little and looked at some gardens from a book on my table and socked away some herbal ideas.
I thought to read tonight and have some tea. I have my tea and got a book. It’s not the bible or a religious or spiritual book or a text book. It just a leisurely reading book. I’m goona give it a try, again. Toujours Provence. I have tried to read this book several times in my life. I’ve only ever read and completed a few leisurely books in my life. It's time to read another, and finish it.
Good night. Work tomorrow. Rest.
Hi. So it seems this punishing myself for watching too much television has really paid off. I'm getting so much done.
I have realized a couple of things about myself - I have been a bit of a punisher and I am not a fan of her! As I ran on the beach yesterday I realized this is ridiculous to continue this 100 days of abstinence from the t.v. b/c I am not doing it for right reasons. However, I am continuing anyway, at least for now because I am getting so much accomplished. I am interested just to see what happens. I like accomplishing things, and things that I have been wanting to get done for ages are getting done!! For that reason alone, it's worthy of continuing.
I was having a desire today after working for awhile to watch t.v. and curl up on the couch with some chocolate. I realized that my indulgences are coupled. This is the second time I've seen this recently. It's not just that I'm going to watch t.v., I want to do something else to indulge my mouth and senses while indulging my indolence. I want to be comfortable and relax and feed my face and smile. It's like the movies - I don't go just to watch a movie, it's the whole experience - I want a popcorn and a coke and likely peanut M&Ms as my candy. I spend almost $40 every time I go a cinema. It's ridiculous.
Similary, and interestingly, today I have also realized that depriving myself of the t.v. and the sugar has lessened the amount of food I consume at all. I haven't even had dinner today. I always eat at least three meals a day. I'm just eating if I am hungry, not because it's time. I do pamper myself with food. It is my indulgence for sure, but that has really tapered a lot since this whole things has started. I love it.
I like how this feels overall. Both of the abstinences are paying off. I'm changing and I feel it is for the better. Yeah!!
One of the things I accomplished tonight was to see if my camera records. Not a big accomplishment, but I checked it off my long list of things to do. It was an easy mark. But, I have learned how to upload and manage recorded videos on You Tube as a result which is cool. Awesome, a great learning tool to for the classroom too. Yah, again for me!!
So, I am making strides toward success.